A pork roast and apple pie sounds easy doesn't it? WRONG!!! Actually, the "making" part of the roast/pie was quite easy it was the events that followed.
"Yeah, that sounds good" said my wonderful Pie. (Don't ask why i call him that, it's a stupidly long story, like this one!)
Day Of (Sunday)
3:30pm - Pastry rolling time. Not a problem, I've done this before. Besides the edges cracking and constantly trying to make it stop, the base of the pie is ready. "Do you need to blind bake the pastry?" says the once fabulous Chef Marc. "No, the recipe doesn't mention it".
The universe spoke a that moment.
"How long will your Pie take? I need to cook the Pork" says Cowboy Pie. "45-50mins", i say silently shitting myself, because I've just realised that we only have one oven and 2 things that need to be cooked at almost the same time. "Can you get your Pie into the oven by 4pm?" "OK ill try". My Hero Cowboy Pie drains the macerated apples and helps me reduce the liquid and butter in the microwave, bless him. I then roll the top layer of the pie pastry, whack the apples in the pie, put the lid on, decide that the lid should be more of a dome shape but due to lack of apples the lid is a little flat. *quietly curses recipe*. Bad luck 2 - Complete.
Pie in oven - Complete! Its 4:15pm.
Pie out of oven - looks like this.
Mmmmmm Pie - but "hay Pie, i don't think there is enough apples in the pie, it looks flat". "That's OK, it will taste good anyway" says the optimist.
Apple Pie Recipe - Joyofbaking.com
*This is not my shortcrust pastry recipe but i reckon it would do the job anyway.
Pork Loin Roast - By Marc aka Pie
|This is Marc with our Cockatiel "Dennis".|
Pork loin roast has been prepared by the butcher, all i have to do now is cook it with minimal fuss. (look for a roast with a good fat layer between the skin and meat). Rub pork with oil, salt and a touch of vinegar (rub in well).
|The meat is sealing.|
Seal the meat in a hot oven proof pan. Do not seal the skin - the oven will make this crispy.
All was going as good as we could have expected. Pork in the oven, apple pie doing its thang on the bench (which wasn't much), good times, good times.
6:30-7:30pm - "I'm starving!" we both say. Pork check - not quite done, OK lets have showers.
Hop out of the shower, and head down stairs while Marc does his Shaving of the Face ritual. "Oh crap" i hear, "i forgot to ask you to take the foil of the pork!" oh crap indeed i think. "will the crackling be OK?" i ask, thinking OH NO NOT THE CRACKLING! Marc checks the pork, "its gonna be OK it just needs to be under for a bit longer" the clean shaven one says. After a couple more checks the pork is done, out of the oven and the crackling is back in the oven under the grill. Then, the fire alarm goes off, quickly Marc gets a towel and waves the smoke away from the alarm. Alarm stops. 30 secs of silence. Upstairs and downstairs fire alarms go off, piercing noise! We open the doors, windows, smash the alarms in hope of silence. "Oh CRAP, THE CRACKLING!, Lisa get it out of the oven!" I race to get the crackling out of the oven, "its ok its not burnt!" i yell. Alarms stop. Marc now in a panic and both of us starving!!! Its ok, dinner will be ok, lets eat.
We eat and it tastes amazing. Despite the drama and minor heart attacks.
"lets have Apple Pie". I say, now full of gravy and pork crackling (which was amazing by the way).
I turn the oven back on so i can heat the pie, which has now been out of the oven for about 2 hours. I cut the pie, oh no, i pull the piece out of the dish, oh no, the bottom of the pie has turned all mushy and disintegrated. "Pie!, why do we blind bake shortcrust pastry?" i ask, already knowing the answer. "So the pastry doesn't get all mushy" he says. Great, just FRICKEN GREAT! The bloody pie has no bottom and I've now left the pieces of pie in the oven for too long and the plates are boiling hot. I transfer the bottomless pies to bowls that wont scold our hands. It tastes quite good! The top layer of pastry is great but the bottom is almost non existent.
Despite the level of bad luck and random shit that occurred, dinner was actually really yum and dessert was surprisingly ok.
A relationship is tested by these type of events and there wasn't one fight to be had amongst this one.
The arse may have fallen out of my pie and our house could have gone up in flames, but I doubt it will ever happen to us. :)